Your Hand In Mine
by 7mellifluous7
Summary: Bella leaves when the love triangle between Jacob and Edward becomes too much. But when she finally comes to terms with who she really needed by her side all along, she realizes that somethings are better late than never.
1. Chapter 1

**Song: "Your Hand In Mine" - Explosions In The Sky (Strongly recommend it to be heard while reading)**

**As soon as I heard the song, I went on a rampage writing. Listen to it. It's beautiful :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

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><p>You knew that one day, you'd get the call. I guess when your gone, time goes a lot faster than you think...because you didn't expect it to be so soon.<p>

Charlie called. He was too frantic and enthusiastic to keep it from you. Even after all those times you had made him promise not to talk to you about Jake, he couldn't help it. He couldn't help but feel like you needed to know. But you didn't know why, Charlie of all people should have known that Jacob was a wound that would never heal.

After you left, no one told you Jacob got a girlfriend. No one told you that they were quick to marry. No one told you that he built her a house out of scratch with a white picket fence. No one told you anything.

Because you made them all swear to never say his name. To never bring him up after you left him behind. Ever.

It burned way to much within.

Up until now, everyone had kept that promise to you.

Until Charlie called.

Jacob's wife has gone into labor...

You realize,

Jacob had a wife.

Jacob was going to have a kid.

_Your Jacob_...was having a kid...

A kid. A tiny baby girl.

The last time you saw him, he was merely a kid himself...

You can't breathe. You can't manage the words. You can't close your eyes and ears fast enough when realization hits.

Jacob never left La Push. And yet, he's found everything you left everyone behind for.

Jacob Black forgot you.

Just like that.

Your stomach turns in knots and you feel like you have never felt before. This was something else. The heaviness in your heart isn't normal. This pain you feel...it feels like it's going to kill you. There aren't any emotions you can distinguish. You know guilt and rejection are some where in there, but the wave of pain you feel, feel like everything you have ever lived and believed for, has died.

You don't ask Charlie questions. You don't even respond to Charlie. For one moment you are listening to Charlie enthusiastically tell you about Jacobs wife, and the next minute your in your car speeding down the high way.

It's been a long time since you've left.

Five years since you've last seen Edward.

Four years since you've last seen Jacob.

Three years since you've last seen Charlie.

And two years since you've cried so hard like you are right now.

Your hands are barely on the steering wheel as your constantly trying to wipe the unremitting tears.

Only 100 miles left until you reach La Push.

Only one second away from feeling like you can't do this anymore.

It's two in the morning when you arrive. Your face is blotchy beyond recognition. Your throat burns like a fire from the strain of your cries. You got to take it.

Even after you swore you'd never come back.

You had to.

Did you really manage to make the world believe you could act like he never existed?

Jacob always told you that you were a bad liar.

But look where you are. You lied to the world. You lied to him. And yet you had everyone fooled, including yourself.

Jacob Black is buried so deep inside you, and you know that what you're about to do is probably the worse thing you have done to him yet.

You are coming back, to tell him everything.

You can't remember when you chose to leave. At the time your life was so twisted and torn between two men that you can't even track any coherent thought when you made the decision. All you remember was telling Edward a final goodbye and leaving for Florida.

You knew Edward would let you go if you asked. You knew that you'd ruin his existence when you'd hand the engagement ring back.

But that was something you were willing to do.

But as you packed your bags and told Charlie you were off to see you mother, you refused to see Jacob.

Much less say goodbye.

For some reason, that was something you knew you wouldn't manage.

You know for a fact that he looked for you.

He called your mother's house non-stop for days.

It was because of him that Charlie found out you never went to Renee's.

It was because of him that you were chewed out by Charlie for hours when you checked in with him a week after you left.

It was because of him that you did go stay at Renee's.

And it was there that you heard the phone ring everyday.

And everyday you made your mother say some excuse.

No matter what, it was always, "Bella's not here right now"

You forced Renee to stop answering. You had no idea how huge of a mistake that was.

Because once she stopped answering the phone, the answer machine started to get fuller and fuller every day.

You could handle Jacob looking for you. You could handle Renee's awful and shameful glares when you made her lie for you.

You could handle hurting over Jacob from a distance.

But you couldn't handle Jacob's voice through the recording device.

Some times they were short.

A mere, "Bella, I know you're there. Please answer me."

Other times you could here the silent tears in his voice as he begged you to call him back.

And the worse one's were the one's where he apologized for loving you and pushing to be more.

You never wanted him to be sorry for those things.

And yet through every decision you had made so far, it didn't hit you that he was the reason for everything.

Jacob Black was the reason you ran. Jacob Black is the reason why you held on for 5 years. Jacob Black is the reason why you're willing to throw it all away for just one more time, to be _his._

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><p><strong><em>Review ;)<em>**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yes, I do have this story planned out.**

**Though I'm doing everything I can to make it as short as possible.**

**Thanks for the reviews and adding my story to your lists! :)**

**Enjoy :)**

**Song: Explosions in the Sky - "Your Hand in Mine"**

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><p>The calls never stop. For weeks they go on. Every time you hear his voice through the answer machine, you bite your tongue and brace yourself where you are. You fight yourself from flinging through time and space to pick up that receiver.<p>

But you manage. Even though it hurts every fiber in your body.

Finally one day, weeks after you left, Phil suggests to just disconnect it. Your mouth drops at his suggestion. His words are an abomination.

Phil can't do that.

You like to hear _his_ voice.

Those messages are all you have left of him.

And then you remember, it was you who chose to leave.

You left him.

Jacob would have never left you...

As Phil takes the phone and puts it back into its box, your heart jumps out of your chest and stays with that phone.

You cry for days when you no longer hear the phone ring..

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><p>It wasn't your plan to stay away this long. While leaving you were merely hoping to take a semester of classes in Jacksonville's local community college and maybe return back when your thoughts were clear, your first plan was to stay away from Edward and Jacob. Period.<p>

But the longer you stayed in Florida, the longer you realized that maybe Edward's words had been right from the beginning.

A clean break will heal faster...

You even hope that Edward could forget you.

You knew you didn't deserve him all along.

You knew that maybe you were never enough.

You knew you loved him with every piece of your heart.

But immortality required too much sacrifice. Immortality would only take away everything that made you, you. It meant losing your parents. It meant losing Sam and Emily. It meant you'd never speak to Angela again. It meant not tripping and not falling. It meant no longer feeling the cold. It meant you'd never feel Jacobs warmness around you ever again. The thought makes you shudder day in and day out.

You didn't plan to lose him forever. You just planned to let time fix everything for you.

And it really did make sense then.

Slowly things did come together.

You learned that you could live without Edward. Although sometimes you felt empty without him there.

But other days, as you stepped out into Florida's sunshine, you'd feel a bit liberated. You'd fell the warm rays penetrate your skin and warm your soul. You learned to smile without him.

Although you often mourned the loss of the Cullen family, going to school helped you find new friends.

But deep down you were thankful he let you take your life in your own hands. You could go where you want. You could say what you wanted to say.

Every time you laid in the sand and stared out into the sky, you knew that even if he was here, he wouldn't even be able to go out in the sunlight.

But with Jacob it was different. Jacob was something you tried not to think about.

Even when you'd lie awake night after night, trembling from the lack of warmth, you refused to go back.

You just wrapped yourself in layers and layers of blankets and tried to ignore the fact that Jacob did nothing to deserve this.

So you stayed longer and longer. You always found excuses to never go home.

One semester turned into two. And a year turned into another. And once you were offered a full ride to the University of Florida, your decision had been made.

You weren't going back.

You had friends in Florida. You loved them but you also kept a non-stop chain of emails going back in forth between you and Angela.

There was always something to talk about.

Always something to do.

You even learned how to surf. You discovered you loved it.

But every day always ended the same.

You'd lay awake staring at the ceiling thinking over and over how much you wish those emails between you and Angela were actually emails between you and Jacob.

You know deep in your heart, Jacob would have loved Jacksonville.

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><p>As your parked outside of Billy's house in your rental car you realize several things.<p>

Billy's house is no longer red. It's blue.

Your heart clenches.

The garage you and Jacob use to spend your afternoon's in no longer is there.

Your lip trembles.

You just actually caught a plane from Jacksonville to Seattle.

You can't breathe anymore.

There are several cars parked in the drive way.

You just actually drove 200 miles to La Push non stop..

You also have NO idea where Jacob Black lives.

So you start bawling again.

Bawling like you really have just lost 5 years of your life.

Bawling like it's all your fault you'll never get them back.

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><p>A cars headlights slowly starts flashing through the back window in your car.<p>

At first you just ignore it, waiting for it to pass. After all, all you can really see is a blurry mess of this strange blue house and your tears.

But when you hear the car motor right behind you and see it turn off it's lights, you freeze.

Someone is here.

You glance at the clock on the dashboard in panic.

It's two in the morning.

Who could it be?

You look back at the blue house.

The lights are on.

You stop moving. You pray whoever it is wont see you.

Your heart stutters.

But you're also praying that you'll be able to see them.

So you hold your breath and curse yourself when you jump after hearing the doors slam.

So it's two people...

You look straight ahead and refuse to look at the driveway.

Moments go by.

Your heart is pounding in your ears.

You're sure you're good-

Then someone is knocking on your window.

You don't scream, but you jump so high you hit your head.

Your shivering. You shaking.

Because even if it's not Jacob, you're not ready to see anyone.

You look out the window, but its so dark.

All you see a wide body shape. And it looks familiar.

Too familiar.

Your thoughts start racing. Nothing makes sense.

Maybe you forgot where the button to open the window was because you never did open that window.

Whoever it was opens your door and leans in.

You should have screamed.

It could have been a murdered.

It could have been a kidnapper.

But it isn't.

"Is that...is that who I..think it is"? He asks.

You breathe in for the first time. He gasps.

"Bella?"

You almost weep at his voice.

"Se-Seth" you manage out, and then start bawling all over again again.

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><p><strong>Review Please :) ;)<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**I know I've made Bella look a bit irrational. Just keep in mind that she's going on instincts for once. I am against infidelity and all that home ruining stuff (although the drama does sounds nice lol) so don't worry. :)**

**Thanks again on the feed back. Some of you guys just make my day.**

**Enjoy :)**

**Song: Explosions in the Sky - "Your Hand in Mine"**

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><p>Jumping out of the car and bear hugging Seth was not the way you had intended to greet him. Nor did you ever intend for it to involve you crying all over his shirt. In fact, you don't think you had ever even imagined greeting him again. Not like this...<p>

Inside your heart, you knew there was a possibility that you were dead to the pack.

But this was Seth. And if he's anything like he was 5 years ago, then maybe just maybe he could forgive you.

You spent so much time being Jake's other half, it was inevitable that you'd get attached. Even Paul, who back then played Mr. Tough guy and anti Bella/leech lover, would still treat you like a sister.

They tolerated you even when you brought all that crap and life threatening drama. The thought would make you cringe if you still weren't crying.

But now, there were only two possibilities.

Seth and maybe the others are either going to remain faithful to their pack brother, Jake, and may ignore you. Although it makes your heart ache thinking they'd react like that, you know you deserve it.

Or they could just going to act like you were literally a long lost friend.

Ha. That final thought makes you laugh in mid cry.

Seth, who was momentarily stunned, is rubbing your back now.

You're just a hiccuping mess. You should be embarrassed. But you know you're too selfish to care at the moment.

He doesn't say anything while he holds you and waits for you to quiet down.

His silence has your veins grinding against your skin so you try to keep it together.

After what seems like an eternity, he places his hands on your shoulders and takes a step back.

You bite your tongue waiting for his reaction.

"I can't believe it's really you" he says in astonishment as he eyes you up and down.

It's really dark out, but you still manage to catch his features.

Seth is still young and adorable.

But he's definitely a man now. He has a wide body and muscles rippling every where.

His hair is all messy pointing this way and that.

You swallow a sob because he resembles your Jacob more than ever.

_He's no longer yours remember..._

_He never was._

He lets out a low whistle and says, "Well look at you"

You nervously shift on your feet.

"Do I look that bad...?", you say cringing.

"Other than all that liquid leaking from your face, you look gorgeous!" he says, and then he breaks out into a brilliant smile. His face instantly looks younger and the person in front of you is definitely still the same Seth you remember. You heart flutters in hope.

You nervously laugh, but your voice is croaking.

"Not much has changed, Seth."

"I beg to differ", he says.

Than he grabs your arm and spins you around. The movement catches you off guard and your stomach almost lurches.

You can't remember the last time you ate.

"Look at that tan! And are those muscles I see?" He says incredibly.

Leave it to the supernatural to be able to say you clear as day at 2 in the morning.

He pinches your left upper arm with his huge fingers and grins.

You almost laugh.

"Yeah...I sort of..surf" you manage out.

He stares at you a couple seconds before he bursts out in a fit of silent giggles.

You frown and put your hand on you hips. You want to smile, but as much as you try, you can't. You still feel heavy all over.

"What?" you say slightly offended.

"Is that so hard to believe?"

He nods vigorously.

"Yeah." he says taking a step and reaching for someone behind him.

"That's something I have to see to believe" and then he pulls a girl beside him smiling.

"Oh", you say surprised. You had forgotten he was with someone.

But that's all cut short when you see her.

She's beautiful.

Her skin is brown cinnamon glowing in the moonlight. Definatly Native American. Her warm eyes sparkle in the moon light.

He looks at her reassuringly and presents you to her as if you had never left. Your heart clenches at his warmth. You know you probably hurt Seth along the way too.

"Daniela, this is Bella. Bella, this is Daniela, my girlfriend" he says without glancing at you. His eyes are all on her and even though the scene is too cute, all you can see in front of you is _imprint. _

She looks at you and waves softly, whispering a polite "Hello". Her eyes seem distant and shiny.

Then she quickly lets her gaze fall to the ground.

You nod but she misses it and you get sad all over again because she must not like you. And if she doesn't like you, how could everyone else...

Seth puts his arm around her neck and rubs her shoulder pulling her close. He kisses her hair and he seems to be comforting her.

He gives you an apologetic look and then keeps rubbing her shoulder.

You feel like you're intruding.

After some moments, Seth sigh's and looks back at you. This time he no longer has that smile on his face and the air feels colder.

You suddenly remember where you are and who you're talking too. You feel cold and stupid for even coming here. What the hell were you thinking. You can't do this. You can't just walk back here.

What for?

Seth looks behind you at your rental car and points at the lugage bags that are all over the back seats.

"Did you..just get here?" he asks you.

You nod, but look at the ground. You feel like jumping back into your car and speeding back to the airport. Because all of a sudden coming here seems like the worse idea ever. You're not sure what you were thinking. And you've never felt like a bigger fool.

Jacob now has a family and even you know better than trying to interfere with that. Life is what it is.

You start to tremble.

"Bella does...does _he_ know you're here?"

Your heart stutters. But you shake your head violently.

He looks at you in surprise. Then he looks at the lugage in your car again.

"Does Charlie even know you're here?" he asks.

You internally freak out at the name of Charlie. You didn't even tell him you were coming.

"No" you whisper out, taking a couple steps back.

_You don't belong here..._

Daniela who was staring at the ground now is looking up at you curiously. For a brief moment you notice how sad she looks.

"What...what are you doing here Bella?" Seth asks.

The question catches you off guard.

_What are you doing here? Why the hell did you come here?_

Your thoughts start racing. Your heart is pounding hard again. Some how, hours before, you thought you were going to be able to tell Jacob you were wrong all those years. You didn't think about how ridiculous that sounds now.

"I- I—don't know" you say. The tears start spilling out your eyes. You reach behind you and feel for the car door handle.

You can't take it anymore.

Once you find it you turn around in panic and just when you open the door, Seth slams it closed from behind you. You gasp as he turns you around. You're done trying to hold your sobs.

The face Seth has on is now nothing like you've ever seen. There was nothing cute and adorable about this man. His eyes were piercing through your skin, through your bones. His grip on you wasn't hurting you, but you know you couldn't leave even if you wanted to.

"Why are you here?" he asks again. Although his voice isn't scary, it's demanding. He has his game face on. The face of a wolf being loyal to his pack brother.

This time there is only one thing you can say.

The truth is all that's left.

"I. I wa-want to s-see Jake" your cry out.

There it was.

"I ju-just wa-want to apologize for be-being mean" you say sobbing.

His eyes slowly soften up and his grip releases you. He sighs and hugs you again, pressing your face into his chest muffling your cries.

He whispers in your ear, "I know honey." He even sounds like the Jake you knew.

"I knew this day would come." he whispers.

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><p>You stay in his arms for another couple minutes until the girl behind Seth gasps.<p>

You both untangle yourselves and look at her shocked face.

She points at you but looks at Seth in question.

"She's—She's that girl from the picture. She's the one who ruined Jacob,...isn't she?" she says. Her voice is not accusing, but her words are like daggers to your heart.

"She brings her delicate hands over her mouth as she's realized what she's said. Her eyes briefly wonder over you, she silently begging you an apology.

Seth nods softly and walks up to her.

It's official. You ruined Jacob Blacks life. You start reaching for the door handle again.

Seth takes her hand and rubs her cheek in an endearing way. She looks up at him with nothing but adoration in her eyes.

"Go inside Daniela." he says softly and beckons her towards the blue house.

"Marie needs you more than ever and I'm sure you guys have a lot to talk about" he adds.

Marie? You ask yourself. Did Billy no longer live there. Did he remarry someone named Marie. Was she okay?

You realize you missed so many things, and now you'll never know...

"What about you?" Daniela asks. "Will she be okay?" she says glancing back at you, even though she has no reason to care about you.

"She'll be fine. I promise. I'm going to take Bella to our house. She can't be here. Especially not now. Tell my mom or whoever asks that I had a work emergency and that I'm sorry."

Daniela nods and kisses Seth's cheek.

You start questioning whether you just heard right.

He even just said it. You can't be here. Not even now.

You're heart just continues to break by the second.

"I'll tell Leah to take me home tomorrow morning. If your mom can't help Marie, then I'll be staying with her okay?" she says quietly, her voice full of melancholy.

Whatever happened to Marie, has Daniela really upset.

She starts walking down the street to the driveway, when she looks back at you.

"It was nice meeting you Bella. I'm sorry about tonight. But don't worry...I-I wont tell anyone you're here."

Your heart swells in gratitude.

She glances at Seth one final time.

"Make sure you don't let her drive or leave Seth. She doesn't look so good"

Then she gives you that sad smile you don't deserve and starts walking towards the moonlit blue house.

You're speechless.

Seth smiles at you nervously and quickly takes your arm and leads you to the passenger side of your rental car.

He opens the door for you and helps you in.

"Get in quickly. We have to be long gone before Daniela reaches the door"

You don't even know what's going on anymore. Through out everything you feel like you don't even have a say in anything. All of a sudden you feel tried, and numb. You start to feel nauseous and keeping your eyes open start to become a struggle.

As Seth gets in and starts the car, you promise not to look back when the door to that strange blue house opens. By the time you think Daniela is already in the house, Seth already has you on the highway.

It's late.

You're tired.

You've lost already, you think.

Before you know it, strong warm arms are carrying you somewhere. Your half asleep and don't know where you are.

Before sleep envelopes you again, you think you hear Seth say,

"Oh, Bells...How can you fix something so broken?"

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><p><strong>Review! :)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the feed back! I really hope you guys enjoy this chpater. I've squezzed a lot together so please review! Love you guys!**

**Song: "Your Hand in Mine" - Explosions in the Sky.**

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><p>The sunlight is peeking in through your eye lids. You're awake and you're alive. But you can't seem to be able to move. Your eyes wonder under your eye lids as you see a jumble of colors and meaningless words.<p>

Time passes and you still can't move. It's like there are bricks all over you. So you just lay there. Content, oblivious and heavy.

Then an obnoxious sound starts going off and the colors start to blur and something is seeping in through your serenity. The noise starts blaring through the room, into your ears that feel extremely sensitive.

It's loud and repulsive.

You try to ignore it, but it hits you.

FIRE ALARM!

Your eyes fly open and your automatically pulling sheets off of you. But you're pulling and your pulling and apparently you are wrapped in a cocoon of blankets!

Suddenly, you notice the blankets are piles of purples and a rich colored lavenders.

You know for a fact you haven't had purple blankets since you lived with Charlie years ago in high school.

You freeze. You're not at home. So where the hell are you?

Then you hear a loud "Oh fuck!" from a distance. A cluster of banging and racket follows that and then a voice starts letting out a trail of colorful profanities. It's almost kinda funny. Until you realize that the house you're in really might be on fire.

You're all tangle up when there's a knock on your door that makes you jump.

The alarm stops blaring.

You take the time to look around the strange room and take in the beautiful decorations. You don't know where you are, so you wonder...

_What happened last night?_

The knocking starts again but this time a little louder.

"Oh um.."

You look down and check if your decent.

"Come in"

The door opens and you look up to find Seth Clearwater carrying a tray full of...unidentifiable items.

Your eyes widen and you lose your breath as you watch him throw you a grin. It's unnerving. His eyes are bright and awake as he walks up to you. You claw the blankets in panic. Holy crap...Seth is...and he's...and..

"Oh fuck" you whisper.

You take in the room around you. There are towels by the bed and a white robe hanging on the door. You look out the window and you see it's pouring rain. You glance to your left and you see bags. A pile of them. Luggage stacked this way and that.

And then it hits you like a meteor.

You packed your bags and flew to Washington. You came here.

What the hell were you thinking...

_Oh fuck_, indeed.

"Seth" you manage out.

"Please..please tell me I'm dreaming. Please tell me I'm not here" you say, burring your face in you hands.

"Oh, um. Okay. You're not here right now Bella. There. How was that?"

You start trembling at his voice.

You hear a small clatter beside you as Seth puts the tray down.

It smells like burnt bacon.

"Bella..It's okay really. You..you weren't really stable last night so I brought you to my place"

Stunned you peek around your fingers and glance at his strange but familiar face.

"And where exactly is your house...?" you quietly ask.

He grimaces.

"In Forks", is his reply.

This time you grimace. And your stomach falls down to your feet.

You're actually here. In Forks. With Seth. Trying to...to make peace with Jake, you guess.

You look down and play with the beautiful lavender blankets.

You remember now how you almost bolted. It was very kind what Seth is doing for you, but you know you should just remove yourself from the picture once again. If only you could do it without hurting everyone in the process...

"I'm not suppose to be here, Seth. You should have just let me gone home...I don't belong here."

Moments pass before you feel a weight on the edge of the bed. You can feel Seth's curious eyes on you from where he now sits.

"Maybe", he says and then he grabs the plate off the tray and hands it to you.

"Don't be mad" he say's as he passes you the fork.

"I didn't mean to burn the bacon. In fact, I didn't mean to almost burn the place either. But you need something delicious to start the day" he adds with a sheepish grin.

How could you not forgive him.

"So just eat and get ready. No pressure. That door on your right leads to the guest bathroom. Make your self at home Bella" then he unexpectedly throws that brilliant smile at you that simply screams Jacob all over it and your grimacing again.

You nod and look down, instantly rejecting the food. You take in the variety and smile at how good it looks. If only your stomach could want it...

Seth pats you on your shoulder and walks out. You're thankful that he's being easy on you. You have no doubt in your mind that he has questions to ask of his own.

You stare at the food in your hands and manage to smile. Maybe you were kinda hungry.

At least if you had to run into anyone here, you're glad it's Seth.

No matter what, his heart is still made of gold.

You're sure Daniela and Seth deserve each other more than you'll ever know.

"Hey", he says peeking back in, making you jump once more.

"You do belong here, you know. You always will." he finishes with a sincere smile.

"Things are just complicated right now" he says and then closes the door behind him, leaving you to your own surprise and thoughts.

_Complicated_, you think, picking up the fork and swallowing the tasty eggs.

But then all you can imagine is a Jacob you once knew cooing and holding a tiny baby girl in his large hands.

You drop the fork loudly against the porcelain plate.

You're not hungry anymore.

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><p>You avoid a long shower. Your thoughts are just a jumble mess as you wash, scrub, and shave. Your repeating what Charlie told you on the phone yesterday. You're imagining scenarios of your old best friend and his wife. You're trying to figure out whether you're okay with him having happiness. You're just all over the place.<p>

So you get dressed quickly and rush down the stairs.

You need to find Seth. You need help talking this out because it's just too much for you to handle.

Deep down you know that most of all, you're just hoping Seth spills a little bit on Jacob too.

If you leave Washington today, you'll be okay knowing that your Jacob is okay and well. Even if it breaks you're heart.

But when you look past every strange but beautiful room, you can't seem to find Seth anywhere.

You note the titanic size of the house and admire the small things. It's filled with furniture and warm colored decorations. There are obvious hints of a woman's touch here and there too.

You find a weight room that looks like it has never been used and also an office with high tech equipment.

Seth must have some sort of great paying job.

But you're not sure how that works him being a full time werewolf and all.

You sigh giving up and throwing yourself on a soft couch.

"There you are" a voice calls from behind you.

You jump and gasp, clutching your chest in shock.

"Oh god Seth, don't sneak on me like that" you say, but there is a smile creeping on both of you're faces.

"Sorry" he says sheepishly as he sits across from you.

The act causes you to stiffen and panic.

You're not ready to talk about him. Not yet...

But Seth just lays against the sofa and stares at the ceiling .

It's not long when he starts sniffing the air. For some reason it makes your skin crawl.

"Still use the same shampoo, I see"

You look at him confused.

"I um...yeah. I do" you say slightly embarrassed.

"It smells good" he nonchalantly adds.

He sniffs again.

It reminds you of Edward, someone you think less and less of as the years go by.

He used to say you smelled like a field of lilies...

"Like lilies?" you ask

He glances at you strangely and shakes his head.

"No, you've always smelled more like strawberries."

You nod and look down.

Jake used to love how you always smelled like strawberries.

* * *

><p>Before you know it, you're both sitting on the back porch talking for hours as you watch the rain. He makes you almost forget. His character is so carefree and so much like your best friend. You only start to miss him more. How could you live without Jacob all these years?<p>

Seth is nothing but kind to you.

You thank him every time time you can for his hospitality.

He brushes you off. You know any other person would have sent you home.

Sue and Leah must be so proud. Even Harry.

The afternoon goes by faster than you think.

* * *

><p>"It wasn't until I walked in on them having wild sex in our house that I found out! How they managed to keep it a secret a whole year within the pack is still beyond me."<p>

You gasp in shock as he continues.

"I tried not to, but I couldn't help it when I phased. Can you imagine that? My sister, her naked boyfriend, and a phased werewolf under one roof. Not only was I scarred for life, but I was really upset. I mean, back then Leah used to try and protect me and she babied me till I was 18. Then she wants to turn around and do _that._"

You're mouth is still hanging open.

"Leah and Embry?" You try to clarify once more. That can't be true. Leah hates e v e r y o n e.

He nods, his repulsed expression saying it all.

You just continue to shake your head in disbelief.

"It's true." he says. "The scars I left on his back are solid proof"

You gasp again.

"What has this world come to?" you mumble.

"Tell me about it" he trails off, muttering something about the months of therapy and prayer he had to go through after that...

For a while things are simple.

But life never stays simple for too long.

* * *

><p>When things quiet down and you've started to doze off to the real reason why you're here, Seth doesn't stall anymore. It's past 4 now and the clouds are still a dark blanket over Forks when Seth gets up silently and walks back inside.<p>

Before you have enough time to get yourself together and follow, he's already coming back out.

There are objects in his hands which he holds against him as he takes his seat again. You can't see what they are, but you refrain from looking nosey.

He sets them under his seat and acts like they were never there when he turns back to you.

His eyes aren't as soft as they were before.

They seem hesitant and anxious.

You're chest begins to hurt as you know the inevitable is coming.

You're going to tell Seth everything.

So you manage to take a deep breath, determined not to let your emotions get the best of you when you hear the back porch open again.

By the time you turn around to see who it is, Seth is already on his feet running towards her.

Who else would Seth run to like that.

Daniela had her arms outstretched by the time he reached her. He embraced her as if he had gone a whole month without her and not a day. He picked her up silently and held her close. They didn't even kiss, they just stared at each other for a moment, there eyes searching deeply into one another as if trying to reconnect after their time apart.

You just stand there frozen. Transfixed by their display, you can't look away. The way they look at each other screams devotion and selflessness. Its something you have only seen here in Forks.

You can't help but feel cold and empty and jealous because you can't seem to have what they have. But then again, you probably wouldn't deserve it.

Finally, Daniela closes her eyes and blindly crashes her lips against Seth's. It's a short kiss, but nothing less than passionate.

It's over quickly and Daniela acknowledges your presence with an embarrassed wary smile and a wave.

"Hi" you whisper out.

She just warily smiles again. The gesture suddenly reminds you of Jared's imprint Kim. Except Daniela seems a lot sadder and pensive.

Seth leads her towards the seat next to his and pulls out her seat.

She looks at you once again and frowns.

"I really hope I'm not intruding Bella" she says mellifluously.

You shake your head immediately.

"No, of course not Daniela. After all, Seth wouldn't want you anywhere else but here next to him" you add knowingly with a smile.

For once her face lights up and she gives Seth a smitten smile.

"Well I hope not" she says laughing. "After all, this is my house"

You raise your eyebrows in question.

"I thought it was yours and Seth's home?"

"It is" they say together as they lock stares.

"Actually...I made it for her" Seth says as he grins and scratches his head sheepishly.

You can't help but gasp and look around. Your noticing designs and arches now.

They're delicate, beautiful and intricate.

"You really made it Seth?" you ask in shock.

He nods embarrassed.

Your more than impressed.

"I guess that's the way the wolves are trying to tell their mates they want to spend forever together." Daniela says laughing and reaching for Seth. He nods.

"It really is" he says.

You freeze.

From what you know Jake built a house for his girl too.

You're now remembering how talented Jake is with his hands and his art.

You start to imagine what it might look like.

You can't. All you see are doodles of huge, beautiful homes with a pool in the backyard and a tire swing hanging off a large oak tree.

* * *

><p>"Would you like something to drink or eat, Bella?" Daniela asks. Although she seems forever shy, you know that she is nothing but friendly.<p>

You shake your head, but feel a wave full of gratitude.

"No thank you. I'm more than full. Your Seth here has been feeding non stop. In fact you guys have been too kind for allowing me to stay in your home. I'm in your debt really" you say trying to alleviate the air for yourself.

Daniela smiles softly and pats Seth shoulder.

"My only hope is that you feel at home" she says and then stands up to go inside.

You really do need to get these two a wonderful Christmas present.

"Dani" Seth softly calls out to her.

She turns around in question.

"How..how did it go?" he pauses. "How's Marie?"

Your ears perk up.

At the question, Daniela's smile is completely obliterated. She looks over at you quickly and then back at Seth as she looks down and bites her lip. Once again, your intruding.

"I...I've never seen her so distraught Seth" she begins sadly.

"I wanted to help her and tell her things were okay, but she wouldn't hear it."

Seth nods sympathetically and pulls Daniela close.

"She's blaming herself, you know?" she adds as she sits on his lap. "Figures. She's just so stubborn." Daniela looks like she wants to cry. So Seth locks his fingers with hers and kisses her knuckles. The sight just makes your heart swell.

"It's okay honey. She'll eventually pass this." he mumbles. "They have before. They can do it again..." he adds sadly.

You wish you knew this Marie. You wish you could help. You wish Daniela wasn't hurting.

"I know" she says, bringing their locked hands to her lips and taking her turn kissing their locked hands.

"But that's the thing Seth. How can she. This is her second time. That's too much pain for a person" she says, her voice cracking at the end.

Seth pulls her close and sends you an apologetic look. You just wish you could do something.

"I'm sorry I don't mean to...to intrude. It's just I was wondering who Marie is. I know I probably can't, but I don't know... I wish I could help" you say softly.

Daniela and Seth both look at you. Daniela smiles at you sincerely nods.

"No it's okay. That's very kind of you Bella." she says. "Plus I'm sure you'll eventually meet her too"

You nod.

"Marie is my older sister. She's pretty much the only blood related family I have here. She's the older sister I've kinda looked up to. It's just that she's been trying to have kids for a very long time and she..." her voice gets low as she tries to hold the tears back.

"And she just can't. I have been looking forward to becoming an Aunt for a long time, but she can't keep a pregnancy. She's so distraught and torn up about it. Everyone around her is." she pauses and tries to keep her composure.

"She keeps blaming herself. And I know she's hurting. It's just...no one can really help her on this"

You nod, your heart breaking at the story.

Its almost every woman's dream to bear children. Even for you, although it wasn't always like that. You have always been an only child. You were the only product of your parents. But secretly, you always wished that you had a sibling. When Charlie and Renee go divorced you had no one to relate to. No big brother taught you how to play football. No sister tried to dress you up in girlier clothes. You missed out on all that.

Edward and Jacob made you realize that you someday wanted a child. And not only one, but a good handful of them.

You can only imagine how you'd emotionally be if someone told you you couldn't have that dream.

And here you are crying over some mistakes you've made. You frown and look down.

What Daniela's sister was feeling made you look at your own problems and be thankful that at least you haven't missed out on the things life has to offer yet.

Your suddenly looking at things in a different way. Although the thoughts are only beginning, you start to feel a bit heavy again.

You just need time...

"That is sad" you say, getting up and looking past Seth and Daniel who are tangled in their intimate embrace.

"Excuse me. I just need to go lay down"

You're rushing through the back door looking for the stairs. Of course, you don't find them so you go back ask Seth to help you.

When you're walking out you see Daniela picking up the plates off the table and making her way towards the house.

"Seth bring in the cups, will you?" she says.

"Right behind you dear" he says in a sing song voice which manages to make her giggle.

But as he moves to get out of his chair, the legs of the seat crash against something underneath him. It sounds like something broke.

"Crap" he mumbles as he bends over to pick up the objects.

"What is it Seth?" asks Daniela as she is making her way back out.

Looking closely your able to see that the objects are two picture frames. The frames scraped against the floor as he moved and broke the glass. Daniela is now trying to help pick the pick up the pieces.

"No, it's okay. I got it" Seth says to her. "Just hold these. I don't want you to get cut. Who knows.." he says as he's picking the glass. "..A vampire might smell you and take you away" he jokes. She just takes the frames and laughs"

"I hope not" she says. "I prefer the werewolves"

* * *

><p>As Seth is getting up and putting the shards of glass on the table, Daniela gives him a strange look.<p>

"Why are these out anyway" she asks.

Seth glances your way and sighs. He then flips the two frames over so she can see them.

You strain your neck, but it's impossible to see them. You know at one point Seth took them out for you. You know it's Jake related, and the suspense kills you. You just don't know what those frame hold.

You refrain from marching over there and snatching the picture frames.

Suddenly Daniela gasps and then lets a warm smile emanate off her face.

"She's a lot prettier in person" she says.

Seth just sighs and pulls a chair out for Daniela.

Then he beckons you over.

"Sit" he demands.

_Oh no. You're not ready for this...No not now. Please._

"I'm tired, Seth and I-"

"Sit." he demands again and you know you can't question this Seth.

"Please" he asks, softening up.

So you do. You walk over as Seth takes the revealed picture from Daniela's hands.

Your hands begin to tremble.

You don't even know why your nervous. You don't even know why you're starting to hurt. All you know is that you want to go back to the old times...

"When Jake was about to get married," he begins.

You lose your breath.

Hearing someone else say it makes Jacobs life so much more realistic.

"When he got married...he asked me to hold this for him"

He says as he hand over the picture. You're dying to see the picture, but you can't seem to make your hands move and take the frame. It almost feels like he's asking you for too much.

He beckons you to take it. But .can't.

So after a long moment he just places it in front of you on the porch table.

You can't believe your eyes.

Its a picture of you and Jacob.

"He said that it probably wasn't a good idea to keep around this picture for obvious discreet reasons."

In the picture Jacob and you are both standing on the cliff. You catch a glimpse of Seth in the background, and although you notice how much older Seth looks now, your eyes don't stay on him.

They glue on the image of you and Jacob. Together.

"I know it meant a lot to him," he continues, but your barely listening.

"He had it right on his dresser next to his bed when he still lived with Billy. I know Sam had the picture laying around for a while. He didn't give it to him until you had been...long gone."

Jacob is holding your hand and pulling you towards the edge. Your stiff and leaning back, obviously afraid of the height and the waves bellow.

You remember it clear as day now. All those times you snuck away from Edward, just so you could go cliff diving with your pack family and your Jacob

It hurts.

It hurts so fucking much, you realize.

"Sometimes when the pack would go see him, Leah or Paul would roll their eyes and put it face down in revolt. But as soon as they were gone, we all know he'd just stand it back up"

Your hand is shaking as you manage to reach for the picture. You're breathlessly trying to absorb this.

In the picture the visible side of your face is flushed. But you're eyes are on his and the smile your giving him is unsure.

"Once he moved out he couldn't keep it" he says, more softly now.

"He said there was no reason to keep it."

You're heart breaks.

Into a million gazillion pieces.

"He gave it to me for obvious reasons." he adds. "I'm the only other party in this picture."

The picture your staring is at is suddenly becoming blurry.

You can't stop the tears that are inevitably going to fall down your face.

Your viciously trying to wipe them, trying to see the image before you as much as you can.

"When he comes and visits, he always passes through the den and stares at it for a while."

You heart is now constricting between pain and a small teeny bit if hope.

"I know he misses you, Bella" Seth says softly.

In the picture his arms is securely around you.

The way he holds your hand proves that he wouldn't let you go. Not ever.

The look he's giving you only says one painful thing:

_Give it a chance..._

And then you start losing the picture again to a blur of colors.

The sobs that escape your mouth are sounds that you have never heard before.

* * *

><p>You feel a hand on your shoulder and you look up to see Daniela holding a napkin against the side of your hand.<p>

You manage to free a hand off the frame and try to get yourself together.

But you have a feeling that this isn't the end.

"Bella", Seth starts off hesitantly.

"Jacob would have fought tooth and nail for you five years ago. He would have given you whatever you wanted. He made you part of our pack family. He would have gone against his father and his heritage. We all knew, Jacob would rather be disowned by his community than to be neglected by you. When you left...you didn't just disappear from out lives Bella. He kept you alive in his head. Not for weeks. Not for months Bella, but for years. For years..."

You've hit rock bottom. You know, you will suffer the guilt for the rest of your life. This unbearable pain you feel in you chest. The unbearable yearn you feel in your soul; you deserve it.

Your heart stops beating as he takes the other frame from Daniela's hands.

"Bella your absence caused a lot of changes. And I know you probably are seeing things you have never seen before. Deep in my heart I knew you'd someday come back. I think most of us did, but as time passed, so many things changed" he says as he takes one of Daniela's hand in his.

"I know you're not capable of coming here and trying to destroy Jacobs life again. I know you don't have it in you. But I know you wont ever be satisfied until you've rekindled your relationship with Jacob...and you need to know Bella, that there is a possibility that wont happen.

You gasp. That's all you can do. You can just sob, and gasp for air. You can't breathe. You can't wrap your mind around the truth.

"Jacob...he isn't the same anymore. He hasn't been in a long time."

How could...how could that be...

"You need to know who he is today Bella. And the only man who walks in Jacob's shoes today is this one" he says as he places the other frame on top of the picture of you and Jacob.

The sounds seem to all be echoing now.

This is the final nail in the coffin. You know it...

So you stare at the picture, and you stare some more, and more, until the tears ruin it for you again. You've never wanted to run from life itself so much until now. You're legs are begging you to leave, but your just too paralyzed. You've lost...so you just stare at the picture, and absorb the image that is swallowing you whole.

In it, Jacob is wearing a suit. His hair is shoulder length, shiny and smooth. He has that radiant smile which steals the spotlight for a second. His shoulders look broader, if that were possible. He's so familiar to you, like a drug. Like a want you have had for years. So you follow the length of his body, of his legs, of his arms.

His arms that lead to the body of another. A girl. His arms are around the most stunning girl you've ever seen. You can't help but notice everything about her. Her cinnamon complexion, her rich brown hair. The curve of her hips and her legs in the white flowing dress.

Her hands are wrapped around his neck and her lips are curved into a smile as you're sure Jacob had said something that made her laugh.

You can't help but look at the picture in awe. He doesn't look like your Jacob. The way he's standing, the way he's looking at her. That's not your Jacob...he'd never do that...

_But then again he was never yours_

"Wh-whats h-her name?" you whisper out looking up at Seth for once.

He's silent.

Then he reaches out for you but you flinch back.

"Tell m-me her na-name, Sa-Seth" you cry out.

Seth doesn't acknowledge Daniela when she squeezes his arm, he just stares at you in the most tortured way.

"Tell me!" you scream out, losing it for sure this time.

"Ju-just tell me!" you say knowing it will make it real.

"Marie" he whispers. "Her name is Marie."

* * *

><p><strong>Confused on Marie? Don't worry, things will come together and made more sense later on<strong>

**_Oh fuck._ Not only did I just write all that. But I'm breathless. Just review. Please! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks for your awesome reviews guys. Especially to those who give me encouragement. I love your feedback and please remember that it's so crucial to my writing. So when you're done, don't forget to click the green button below.**

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**Enjoy!**

**BTW: I'm seriously looking for a beta. Maybe an experienced one. I've noticed so many grammar mistakes and many mixed details. Sometimes I am just too lazy to go back and double check. So a beta would be nice. Thanks guys!**

**Song: "Your Hand In Mine" - Explosions in the Sky**

* * *

><p>Everything clicks. It hits you with such a great, unforgiving force.<p>

You cry. You cry your lungs out. And you have no right to.

But you do.

Because it hurts like hell. Because your guilt feels like its devouring you whole. Because another jolt of pain is rocking your body violently. Something you never imagined to feel on this trip back home.

Now that the girl in the photograph has a name, you can barely control yourself. Now that the girl has a name, she's even more real.

You should have known it was Marie. The signs were all there. The puzzle makes sense now that its been put together.

_Marie..._

Not only Daniela's beautiful and striking sister, but Marie, the women who lost her baby. Marie who spent 8 moths carrying something so precious that was proof of something so tangible as Jacobs devotion. Marie, the beautiful women who deserved Jacob.

You want to run. The muscles in your legs are begging to take you away from this place.

But as you look at the picture of the couple on the table, you realize your so done running.

You're so done with this confusion.

Because inside of you, you know that it was an adrenaline rush that brought you here to Forks.

The truth is that picture laying on that porch table.

You've been selfish. You've been stupid. You just want your best friend back.

As you look up at Seth's sad face, you know that outside of his home, there is no other room for you here. But he's right. It's painful, and it's nothing less then the truth.

You walked away and left everyone behind. You left Edward so you wouldn't lose your opportunity to live with those who gave you life. It just never occurred to you that you were capable of ruining that on your own.

So you cry.

You cry some more.

Daniela's passing you tissues and napkins. She's staring at you with a look of pity. The expression is sending you farther to the edge.

A great amount of questions are stirring within you. There are many things you want to ask.

Your questioning Daniela's motives towards you. She's Marie's sister after all. Your questioning Seth's loyalty to you. But then again you have no right. Seth's loyalty lies within his pack. The pack that _he_ runs.

You don't belong here. So you stand up. Because you have to. Some how.

You're pulling yourself together.

After minutes that have felt like hours, your eyes finally dry out. The pain hums down to just a throb inside you.

The silence in the room is now almost palpable. Its sucking you in. But you need out. Out before the darkness devours you.

So you stand. You start to walk away. Seth doesn't even look up at you. Daniela is brushing tears away as you walk past her. But no one says a word.

It's time for you to go. You've heard enough and everyone in the room knows it. Your body hums with gratitude when no one follows.

* * *

><p>You're not sure what you're doing again. But you find yourself in the guest bedroom. Your shoving your clothes and your towel into your bags in a hurry. You knock over the empty plate that once held the breakfast Seth kindly made for you as you try and force the zippers up.<p>

You're getting out of there. Some how. But your doing it mindlessly. You're so gone, you're practically dreaming with your eyes open.

Because in your head, all you are seeing is a russet colored man. He's bending over, digging a hole in a green, groomed lawn. He's holding a baby with closed eyes and a pink head band. He starts sobbing uncontrollably when he places the baby in the ground. You want to scream "no", but the baby is not breathing.

So you're heart breaks again this time. But for once it's over someone else's pain.

It right then and there as you're finishing packing that you make a promise. Your pain no longer matters. And you're going to do everything you can to make things right. You don't know how and you're not here to break a marriage. You're just here to give everyone the apology they've deserved.

* * *

><p>You hug Seth really hard as your standing outside their door. He's holding you tight, and his embrace reassures you. He's not stopping you, but you know you're not done here.<p>

"So where are you headed to now?" he asks.

"To Charlie's", you pause. "I think its time I came back home", your words are mere whispers. But Seth hears you.

He nods, scowling. You try and ignore it. Your sick of reading and trying to guess what people are thinking.

You're just so..heavy.

Daniela pops out from behind him holding tupper wear filled with food.

"For Charlie" she says shyly. "Tell him I am running out of frozen fish and that he needs to go fishing" she says with a smile.

And its enough. Charlie trusts her. And now so do you.

You run and embrace her. You can't help it. You want to not like her. But how can you not? She's the most selfless thing you've ever met and you know that a God must exist for blessing Seth with such a nice girl. You couldn't have chosen a better couple.

The imprint fulfilled its role with these two.

"Thank you, Daniela" you say. "You could have hated me, but you chose not to. So...I feel like I owe you the world. And I just want to tell you that I couldn't have chosen a better person for Seth. You do nothing but compliment each other."

Her eyes glitter at the compliment. She even blushes and looks down.

"Thanks" she says, looking at you carefully as if asking you if it's okay for her to show so much joy.

You're about to bend down and pick up you luggage and go before she surprises you.

"How could I choose to hate you, Bella? I am no one to judge. If Jacob, or the whole pack I guess was as fond of you as I've heard, then you're definitely someone I want to know. You may have left, but something inside me tell me that you're the reason why a lot of things are the way they are in La Push. I am not my sister so I don't want you to be afraid." she says, and then throws the warmest smile at you.

You're breath catches. You manage to cringe and feel flattery all at once.

"Please come over any time, Bella. Bring Charlie with you too" she says as goes back to stand with Seth. She's curling herself into his side.

They can't stay apart from each other too long.

"Of course, Daniela. And Seth," you say tentatively.

"Impulse brought me here. To La Push, I guess. I shouldn't have, but I did. And even though I should have stayed back in Florida, I'm glad I got to see you again."

You point at the house.

"Your house is gorgeous. And you're..you're married now", you say with a genuine smile. "I'm glad to see and know that the pack family has only gotten bigger and better", you give a pointed glance at Daniela.

"I don't think I was ready to come here. But I don't think I can leave just yet either" you say.

Seth nods in understanding.

"Just do me a favor, please?" he asks.

"Anything." you say.

"Stay away from La Push. It's not a good time, Bella." you nod, but you're also crestfallen.

"You'll be invited eventually. I don't know who will do it, but they will. By then, _he'll_ know you're here."

You're not sure if you're ready for that. So you know you have to listen to Seth. No matter how much your anxiousness pushes you otherwise.

"Here." Seth says. He's holding something out in front of him.

You can't help but gasp.

"No. I can't Se-"

"Yes, you can" he claims as he's shoving the picture of you and Jake in your hand.

The picture of you two standing over the cliffs.

It still takes your breath away.

"It's rightfully yours anyway." and just like that he's picking up bags at your side and he's helping you carry them to your car.

They wave from that beautiful home as you drive away. But everything is blurry from where you stand. All you really see is the picture frame sitting on the passengers seat from the corner of your eyes.

* * *

><p>It takes 5 minutes to get to Charlie's house from Seth's.<p>

It takes you 10 minutes to get from Charlie's drive way to his front door.

You spend so much time thinking of what you'll say. After all, he has no knowledge that you're even here.

As you stand with your hand floating over the door bell you can't help but feel so wrong. This once was your home. You spent hours laying inside. Edward snuck in through these exact windows to see you numerous of times. Jacob once spent hours with you in the kitchen making an excess amount of food for him. All the movies inside were the exact movies you and Jake used to tangle your bodies together with to watch on the couch.

Those memories hold you back from ringing that doorbell.

Because you know that the moment you walk in through the front door, memories will flood in to your scull. You're cringing now. But there's not much holding you back from falling apart again.

* * *

><p>When you finally do gather the courage to ring the doorbell, your a trembling mess.<p>

When Charlie open the door, you both stare at each other for a long time. He's different, but he's the same.

You can't find the words to say.

It's been three painful years away from him and you know its _you_ who has to find a way to break the silence.

"Hey, Dad", you whisper.

You can see he's trembling too.

And then Charlie does the unexpected.

He bolts out and pulls you into the most sentimental hug he has ever given you.

He holds you so tightly and brings you so near and you finally learn that no matter how old you are, you are never to old to need a parent.

"It's good to see you, Kid" he murmurs in to your hair.

You only nod because some where along the way you started to cry again. You missed him. You missed him so much and even now that he's here, you still miss him with every fiber in your body.

When the intimate moment finally breaks, Charlie lets you go and takes a good look at you.

"How's Florida?" he asks.

It takes a minute for you to answer.

"Sunny" you say.

He nods.

"Good" and then he's dragging you inside like nothing's ever changed.

* * *

><p>Charlie's house is one of the only things that still looks familiar. It's still white. It still has the same furniture in all the same places. It's the reason why you feared coming back. Its like entering a portal you can't escape. The images and the memories are all inevitable and unforgiving.<p>

But as you think of Billy's house and the blue that emanates from it, you can't discern which ones worse. The one you can see all the memories like it was just yesterday, or the one who drew over those memories as if they meant nothing.

Charlie has piled your bags in your old room, which you have yet to see. You're sitting awkwardly in the living room when he comes down. You hear him go into the fridge and get a beer before he finally comes sit across from you.

You know he has questions, but what bothers you the most is that you don't have answers.

"Don't get me wrong Bella, this visit, well, it's a nice surprise. As good as surprises get really. This place will never be the same without you."

The words he says don't matter much. But it's the way he says them that mean everything. You catch a glimpse of sadness in his eyes, and you know that more then ever, Charlie had been lonely since you left. Your guilt just piles up and up. You feel like you'll never make things right.

"But I know you're not just here for me. So don't lie when I ask you, why are you really here?" He takes a sip of his beer.

You are a lot like Charlie. A person not of many words. But sometimes his bluntness just catches you off guard anyway.

Your not prepared to be so honest.

But if Charlie is the same as he was years ago, then you know that you have to be straight up too. Aside from that you're done cutting corners and hiding behind everything.

"I...I missed you dad. I missed everyone." you start off.

Charlie nods, but its more of a nod that tell you to go on. You've never been one to discuss emotions with Charlie, not when you lived here, not when you spoke to him on the phone when you lived in Florida. But you remember the hug he gave you when you arrived, and it's enough to make you quickly spit out the words.

"I miss Jake, Dad. I messed up. I've known that since I left. But I can't live with it anymore. And when you...when you told me about his wife...and...and his baby, I got on the first plane and rented the first car I could. And then I get here, and I realized I was so stupid. And then...and then I hear about his baby! I'm so horrible Charlie. I'm just so horrible" you cry out.

You don''t expect Charlie to come over and pat your shoulder. But he does. He bring his beer with him too.

Your so embarrassed that you're crying, but at this point you just have no more shame. You also don't want Charlie thinking that he wasn't worth as much as Jacob is to you. Because deep down inside you'll know that regardless of the small time you spent with him as a teenager, Charlie was more of a parent to you then Renee. You want him to not doubt that.

Before you can clarify, Charlie nods like what you just said was nothing more then the conditions of the current weather.

He turns to you and you can't help but listen.

"Bella, you coming back was something a long time coming."

Those words already make you feel better.

He sighs, takes a swing at his beer and looks at you real seriously.

You're not expecting his words.

"When you left, I didn't blame you. I know this sounds horrible, but I rather you leave then be taken away from me by that Edward guy you were dating."

You almost stop him right there, but your judgment tell you that maybe you should just listen. So you bite your tongue.

"When I would see you with him, it was like you were always on your tippy toes. I don't know, like if any moment he was just going to take you away from me and never give you back."

Your breath catches.

"He was a good guy. I could tell. Came from an honest, modest family." he says with a grunt.

"But my instincts just told me something was off about that guy."

You curse your dad's police man instincts. But he was right...

"Bella, I know I'm no one to be giving you advice on love. I mean look at me. I am an immortal bachelor" he says with a laugh and takes a sip of his beer again before he continues.

"But I've learned something in life Bells. When you've been single for a long time, you tend to observe those in relationships a lot more. And in all that I've seen, I learned one thing. People need to learn to love whats good for them."

His last sentence takes you to a different time and place. Charlie once told you those exact words long before. Before when your sheets were purple, when your days were darker, when life was just a haze.

It had been in the middle hours of the night. Your nightmares had once again gotten the best of you, even though it had been months, they were appearing less and less.

Charlie told you those exact words as he eyed the dream catcher that Jacob had given you.

Jacob Black was saving you those days. Now that you think about it, Jacob Black was always saving you from everyone including yourself.

You try not to dwell on his memory too much and try to catch on to what Charlie is saying now.

"That Edward guy was just too serious. And you Bells, well you were even more serious then he was. You guys were too much alike and in that sense, it might not have been a good thing. I know you loved him, but he didn't compliment you Bells."

You had never thought of your relationship with Edward to be intoxicating. But maybe everyone else was right. _It wouldn't be the first time..._

You wonder where Charlie's going with all of this...you don't know how much of the past you can stand.

"I've been able to watch all these people in relationships. And you know the happiest ones, are the ones who stay with those who are nothing like them. I wanted you to be with someone who was care free. Some one who was laid back. Growing up, I'd always catch you curled up with a book, or studying for a test that was weeks away. And although I am as proud as a parent could be of their bright child, I always thought you needed to loosen up. Maybe just a bit. I wanted you to once in a while put the book away and just go for a joy ride."

You almost can't believe what the Chief of Police is saying to you.

"Remember that time I grounded you for riding those motorcycles with Jake?"

You stiffly nod trying hard to _not _remember.

"Well I came home that night and pretty much threw a joy party for myself."

He stops to chug the last of his beer.

"It was then when I saw you happiest. When you were with Jacob, you laughed loudly and freely. That happiness practically radiated from you. So when you left to get distance from Edward, I couldn't blame you. I thought you needed it."

You don't need people reminding you of how happy you were with Jacob. Because it's already all you can think about it.

"I just didn't know you'd leave Jacob behind as a price to pay. And I should have. Because even I knew you loved him too. But I hoped that you'd see. See him the way he looked at you."

Did everyone know this back then but you?

You can feel your face falling.

"Look", he says, and you know he's taken the hint that you don't want to talk about that anymore.

"I knew you'd come back. I think everyone knew. Even _him_."

_Him.._

"I just want you to know that no matter how much things have changed, every story has a beginning. And no matter what the story is, no story can end without recognizing that its beginning brought it to where it is. No matter where the story takes place, the plot is never certain. The characters can always change or leave, they can always come back, Bells. We're humans. We're taught to live, learn, forgive and even forget. So just don't give up hope" With that, Charlie gets up and walks away.

Probably to get another beer.

But you're frozen in your seat. Charlie not only was a man of little of words, but he was also a man whose depth was always dominated by sarcasm. So these words coming from him meant more then they probably intended too. Although half of what he said doesn't make sense to you, you're starting to feel better. Along with better there is a tiny bit of hope and a tiny bit of satisfaction.

You can almost see yourself settling here. You just might not go out much. You wouldn't want Jake...

And then you remember...you just need to know about Jake. You just want to understand. Its why you came here. Why you can't sleep at night..

"Dad" you manage to call out. Your foot starts tapping unremittingly as he walks back in, new beer open and television control in his hands.

"Yeah?" he says. His face nonchalant as if you did not just share a meaningful conversation with him.

His demeanor makes you nervous.

"Dad," you say again.

"What...what happened to...to Marie" you ask with much difficulty.

Charlies eye brows shoot up in surprise as you mention the name, but he doesn't question you on you knowledge. Instead his face falls at the mention and looks down in sadness. There is a long silence, as if Charlie is choosing his words carefully.

"Did she miscarry?" you ask softly. The words sound horrible and sad alone. Your heart clenches at the thought.

He shakes his head and sighs. He's distraught. You can tell. And it makes you feel helpless.

"No" he replies. His voice is soft and distant.

"She went into labor. She went to the hospital. She was yelping and crying. She got the epidural and everything. Had the whole tribe and me on the edge of our seats."

You're shaking your head trying to put it all together. But it doesn't make sense. That baby was fine. That baby has Jacob's blood running through it for god sake. Why did that baby die...? That tiny bundle of innocence.

For the first time you almost weeping for that life that never got to live.

"It was different this time." he says.

"I mean a lot of those tribe kids have grown up to be great and successful. I some times just look at Harry's kids and they've gone and made it so far. Harry would have been so proud..."

He pauses as if regarding his dead companion. You join his silence and eagerly wait.

"Especially that Seth kid. To be honest, he's like Jacob. Just the one that never...never grew up, I guess"

You know that's not what he meant.

He meant the Jacob that lived with copious amounts of spirit. The one you probably killed.

"Oh, but his wife is so nice. She often visits me with Seth. Just the friendliest people in the neighborhood."

That reminds you of the food she sent and the request. But you know mentioning her would bring forth a lot of his questions. You just want to know what happened with Marie..so you don't say anything at all for now.

"But with Jacob's wife being pregnant, it was big. Not just because I still love that kid like he's my own. But because this..this tragedy had happened before."

You gasp even though you knew this. Because it hadn't occur to you like this. All you can think is poor Jake and Marie. In any other circumstance you could have found something to hate her for. You wanted to dislike her. But regardless of where you stand, you wish you could to something to make things right. You had no one to dislike but yourself.

Pain is pain.

But losing babies...people don't just get over that...

ever...

Tears are pooling in your eyes.

"It happened last year. Jake's now like the Tribe chief or something so it was a big deal that he was bringing descendents. They're just really old fashioned like that, according to Billy."

If Jacob really was the tribe chief then that only meant one thing. Jacob was also the alpha now.

You're guesses were right.

He stepped up..

You can't believe you weren't there at that huge moment in his life.

Unlike you, he faced his fears and did something he didn't want.

He took that chance, the one that you wouldn't risk.

"Just like the second time, everything was fine. She never had a problem with her pregnancy. She went into labor naturally. And everything was well until...until that baby came out."

Until that baby came out...

"The baby came out not breathing."

Your heart is pounding in your ears in horror.

"Just...just like that?" you ask.

He nods.

"The doctors couldn't explain it. The baby was alive and well when she was in labor and once it was over, there was nothing they could do to revive that baby boy" he says softly.

"Baby..baby boy?" you ask.

"The first time it happened it was a boy" he says, but his voice has now cracked and you don't know if he'll go on.

A baby boy...and now a girl? Your heart is aching for Marie and Jacob loss. Your insides are swelling with such a pain you've never felt before. So young and Jake and his wife have had to bury to kids.

"Jacob mourned for months. He even disappeared for a couple weeks and I almost went crazy looking for him, but Billy assured me he just needed time. Of course I couldn't blame him. I can't even imagine what he was going through. But I was worried. Around that time, he didn't visit me for months. Jacob, he was just so scarce"

So Jacob visited Charlie...?

"With Marie it was different. Now I don't know much about her, but from what I got out of Billy, it's like she didn't get to mourn. She went...numb when it happened."

_Numb...?_

She didn't really react. She was distant, and I know for a fact when Jacob came back he couldn't really get to her. It wasn't until later that I heard that she...she pretty much cracked. She fell apart."

You're so blown away. So far from understanding God and life and destiny. You wouldn't wish what Marie and Jacob had to go through on anyone...

"But you know how life is" he says.

"Things got better in time and from what we can see, it got them to try again."

"Oh no" you whisper.

"I know", he whispers in defeat.

"It was bad enough the first time. But Seth tells me it happened the exact same way. I can't even fathom how Jacob or Marie are. Jacob. He's like a son. I feel like those babies could have been family to me" he says, his voice cracking once more and he turns away getting up.

You stare out the window. You're just beyond comprehending.

"As a matter of fact I have to go see them Bells." he says softly.

"I've waited line enough. I'd invite you but, I-"

"No!" you practically yell. You look up and blush as you see Charlie give you a look.

"I just can't...I just can't go down there...uninvited...", you think of what Seth said.

"I know kid. I know" he says coming towards you.

Your filled with such a gratitude to having such a father.

He wraps you in a hug and you try to push away the thought that it's been 2 hugs in one day and that that might be a new record.

"It's really nice seeing you Bells. Things are hell back here, but I can't imagine things to do anything but get better from here. I can't tell you what to do. But I trust your judgment." he says as he lets you go and heads for the door.

"I'll be back as soon as I can"

The door is about to shut when you call out to him.

"Dad." your voice is weak.

"Yeah, kiddo?"

"Please don't..don't tell anyone I'm here. You-"

"I know, Bells. Don't worry" he says reassuringly.

He turns to leave.

"Dad," you call out again.

He turns around and looks at you again curiously.

"Thank you. For everything. I've-I've missed you, Dad" and that's all you can say without tearing up.

"Me too, kid. Me too." And then he's out the door just in time for you to finally break down.

* * *

><p>You've learned a lot today. You learned about Marie. About Jake. About the saddest little creations that never made it. Your heart is heavy. Heavier then how you arrived.<p>

You feel like the sun will never come out.

You came here with a purpose. But now that you're a lot more clear on things, you don't know what your purpose is. You don't have a plan, and it makes you feel so vulnerable.

You take out the food Daniela arranged for your dad and put it in the fridge. Your thoughts just twist in turn inside of you head.

You know that you can't leave just yet. But you're debating on what to say. You're still even doubting apologizing to Jacob. You just fear making it worse by adding on to everything going on.

After a while you can't take those thoughts hurling around in your head.

Before you know it, you're pulling on a skin tight wet suit and you're headed out to that rental car. Your wiping tears off your face every now and then.

But your board is inside the car waiting for you.

So you drive to ocean like you've been dying to see it.

Now that you know about the ocean more, you'd normally head to La Push. La Push with its daring waves and ocean beauty.

But you might as well be exiled from there.

You can't go there. No matter how much you want to.

Not unless your invited.

Not unless your wanted.

And you don't think you'll ever be wanted.

But maybe..maybe in the long run, it'll be a good thing.

When you've parked, your just outside the borders of La Push, still in Forks, but close enough to the waters your yearning to lose yourself in.

As you step outside, you see no one.

The smell of the wet grass and the chilly wind here already make your thoughts slow and your brain calm.

The cold waves that await you are all you need to reach and you body has already begun to hum.

So you can't help it when you run for the beach, your board intact,

The waters greet you in all their cold, silky nature, and fiery.

But you welcome it. Because something about the water and its temperature itself is making you numb already.

_You want to be numb..._

_the way Marie wanted to be numb..._

You lay on your board stomach down. You stretch your arms out and take yourself to that place you need to be. Your breath is labored from the work, but its only the beginning for you.

When you're deep enough, you relax and let the waves pull you farther and farther away from the beach on their own. It's like the ocean is taking you home.

Your hands start to tingle in pleasure as you look ahead. The waves are rowdy today.

It's cloudy over the beach. But there are moments when the sun would peak through those clouds with all its glory. There are moments when the sea lights up and just takes you away.

* * *

><p>The first wave you ride knocks you off your board. You're not concentrated enough. Your not in it enough. But as you take the fall, the water welcomes you with arms wide open. The coldness, the sensation, the possibilities. It all seems endless under the surface. It gives you the rush you hunger for.<p>

So your mentally ranting when the second wave approaches you. Its a big one. You quickly focus on the waves strength and its roots. Your looking at it's height as your arms are pumping harder and harder around you. You pinpoint the right time to get up and when you do, you've got it right. The water that surrounds you grips you whole.

Your maneuvering your board with practice and it's like a second nature once your riding the wave. To you, your in flight. You're free and mellifluous. There is something worth wanting in this world. You can feel it when you're like this. Its bone deep.

Your bent in concentration as it finally takes you away to shore in a slow and smooth motion. You could close your eyes in delight and surrender to the wind, but as the momentum decreases you jump off gracefully as you land on the beach.

As your toes reach land and bury themselves in the sand, your instincts instantly tell you something is off. The goosebumps that birth on your skin are not the product of the oceans temperature. You look out to the ocean and see nothing. Your breathing starts to hitch. There is something...something and you can't put your finger on it.

After a second, the hairs on your hands painfully stand up and instantly your head snaps up to the beach.

That's when you see him.

And it is then that you can see that he can see you.

You've lost your breath. It's as if a wave has pushed you off your board and it's mangling you in its grip, sucking the air out of you and showing no mercy.

You recognize that face. Those bare feet and legs. That rippled body. Those cut offs, the only clothing that adorns his body.

You'd know him anywhere...

He's watching you. His expression too far for you read.

You're frozen, and unable to breath. You're shaking and a small whimper escapes you lips.

It's Jacob Black on that beach, and you're not ready.

* * *

><p><strong>REVIEW? :)<strong>

**Important A/N:**

**So I hope that I've answered some of the questions you've had so far. And if you still have any, I promise I'll answer those soon enough ( go ahead and ask me in a review or p.m)**

**I know I didn't explain Marie's birth problem. Not only did I not have the medical knowledge to accurate explain it, but I also wasn't intending of giving it a reason. Things will make sense as the story comes along :)**

**For those of you who want to know if Bella will be a home ruiner, she wont. I wont create Bella to be that way because in my head I know Bella can be selfish and stupid some times, but over all she is not cold hearted. **

**I know it took me a while to update but I wont let that happen again. I hope you enjoyed and just so you know I'm already on chapter 6.**

**I love you guys and please review. Feed back is so crucial to me. :) :)**


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